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Still Here

by verdemama on February 21, 2012

I’ll admit. I’ve been in a funk lately. I haven’t felt like “me” in ages. Years, even. I’m short-tempered with my kids. (Well, mostly the three-year-old.) My house is a disaster area on any given day. I miss reading for fun (rather than books on taming toddler terrorists). I miss hearing myself think. I don’t talk to/hang out with friends enough. I’ve abandoned my blog. I need exercise. Nature. Free time. Sleep. Self-care. And I’m not getting any of it.

Most days just feel like survival.

I got five straight hours of sleep last night for the first time in ages, and suddenly, I feel life’s positivity and possibility once again. Amazing what a few solid hours of ZZZs can do.

After having not worked in about two years, I randomly (and perhaps over-optimistically) picked up a freelance copywriting assignment. Right now I feel like trying to access the creative part of my brain is something akin to yanking on the chain to a rusty old lawnmower that’s out of gas. Maybe after I blow the cobwebs off and give ‘er a little tuneup, we’ll be back in business.

I very rarely write about myself. I am a fairly private person and I never assume anyone has any real interest in my personal stuff. But. Sometimes it just needs to be put out there. I am so, so ready to get over myself, starting… now.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

editoreliza February 25, 2012 at 10:32 am

I wish I could go get coffee with you! Have you read this yet? http://jezebel.com/5883121/for-how-many-seconds-e

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verdemama February 26, 2012 at 9:34 am

Thanks for that, E. That article is right on. I, too, am in a bonafide seconds deficit. And with each kid the deficit increases exponentially. That is exactly why I’m done at two. Done done DONE!

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Joelle February 28, 2012 at 8:24 am

I've only been at this "mommy" thing for 6 weeks, and already completely understand where you're coming from. What a difference even a 20 minute nap can make! I know life is always tough when your significant other travels a lot, I feel like my most moody/introspective times have been when I'm trying to get everything done on my own. :(

On a separate note, I think its funny that you feel you're having trouble connecting with your creative self. Just from reading the blog its obvious you are a very creative person, and to keep up with an active 2 year old and always provide him with so many options seems like it would require oodles of creativity!

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